I've been building a fire outside and meditating by it the last few mornings.
We live in a semi-rural part of a township where you can enjoy a fire as long as it’s after 8 am and there isn’t a burn ban in place.
The wind has held back the last several mornings until about 11 am, which is unusual as fall turns to winter here in this mountainous part of Pennsylvania. I get up, take care of Mom, check the wind and answer the call to go out to our simple fire pit. We’ve been burning pallets lately. They’re free, my brother Andy can get us an endless supply of them from work, and they give off a lot of heat quickly.
The morning fires do more than keep me warm and allow me to be outside with the birds. They do more than calm me. This morning, as I shifted myself in the chair to even out the heat, I realized that these early fires unburden my mind and heart.
It’s not a coincidence that I’ve struggled with a particularly difficult mix of emotions the last couple of mornings and felt compelled to go outside and build a fire. There was something satisfying about stacking the pieces of rough oak, lighting them and having a robust, crackling fire in just a few minutes. But why did it feel so freeing to do it?
It turns out that the fire gives me a place to throw thoughts and emotions that aren’t doing me any good. Thoughts and emotions I need to let go.
The more mindfully I placed the wood into the fire pit, the more I understood what I was really burning. Sadness. Frustration. Anticipatory grief. Anger. Resentment. Worry. What ifs. The endless what ifs. Feelings and thoughts that, if I had held on to them this morning, would have kept me feeling stuck and anxious.
So I burned them.
And I sat there and just breathed as they burned. Breathed in God’s love. Breathed out God’s peace. Because I really believe it was God who held back the wind. It was God who called me out there for a moment of clarity and peace in the midst of difficulty.
I’m sure there are lots of ways to symbolically get rid of negative thoughts and sticky emotions. Write them down then throw them away. Write them down, put them in a box and tuck it away in a closet. Imagine putting them into a balloon and releasing it into the breeze. Breathe deeply and release them with every exhalation. Whatever works.
For now, I’ll welcome this new morning ritual. Sometimes I’m sure I’ll just be there for the warmth. And some mornings I’ll be there to place things on the fire and let them go.
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